Oops, we did it again

The ad said "English couple, living on acreage in the South of France. We love to eat, drink and smoke. We have four dogs."

When I wrote about our last hard-labour-for-food exchange, I didn't mention that our hosts were vegans who, if they drank, certainly didn't share any with us. We did, in actual fact, eat very well, but such is our fondness for red wine and cheesy snacks that the words 'eat,' and 'drink' attracted our attention instantly, blinding us to three other really important words in the ad: "English," "smoke," and "dogs."

Cara can smell cigarette smoke from eighty-two miles away, and would ask Churchill himself to put out his cigars if he sat next to her at a table. I have already expressed my misgivings about dogs in other postings, but I haven't yet had cause to mention that I'm also powerfully allergic to them. As for the English part, we assumed that if you are a couple who moves to France, especially if you like to eat and drink, you'd actually like France. We are learning that this is not necessarily so. You might just be the sort of English couple who likes French sunshine, but is actually contemptuous of the language, the food, the wine, the people, and even the cars.

We're also learning that serious alcohol consumption and chain smoking suppress the appetite, so that while the food isn't bad, it's doled out in tiny portions, and Cara and I spend most of our days in a lethargic, grumbling slump, stealing the occasional banana from the fruit bowl to supplement the bags of peanuts and cookies we presciently brought with us for emergency supplies.

Just two more days here, though, and we're off to the seaside town of Sete, where Cara has already made reservations for us at "La Fourchette." After that, it's off to Avignon to meet up with our good friends from Edmonton for a final week of gourmandising, drinking and Francophilia. Then back home. Hmmm.